Egos and Elders

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The Secret Life of the American Witch!

As a fallible human being, I certainly have made my share of mistakes that have been driven by pride and my own unchecked ego. When it comes to my spiritual practices, I have worked very hard to make sure this is not so.  I have always tried to be a good student; I ask questions, I practice, I read, I defer to those who have more knowledge and experience, and have shown respect to those who claim such by ‘title’. One of the first teachings I received when I began my stroll down the Pagan path was, “No matter who it is, no matter what they do, no matter what they tell you, NEVER check your brain at the door.”  I found that to be sound advice, but not all the teachers I would meet in the future would agree. It became harder to discern what teachings and path were right for me, when an ‘Elder’ was actually trying to determine if I was right for them.

What is an ‘Elder’? An Elder is a term of love and respect that is generally bestowed upon an individual who has made a contribution to their community by their teaching or other actions. They act through love and loyalty to their community-sharing what they know, what they do, and speaking out as a way to improve the lives not just of the Pagan/Wiccan communities but for all people. It is considered bad form to give yourself the title of Elder. It would be up to others who love, admire and respect that particular individual to determine that this is a title that fits them. An Elder is not necessarily ‘older’, but often are folks who have been working for a significant time in the communities they love. I have met many fine teachers, craftsmen, priests/priestesses, etc. but very few individuals I would say are ‘Elders’. That kind of title has a responsibility built into it and those who have earned it understand that, for it is who they are and have always been. However, there are self-proclaimed ‘Elders’ and leaders who twist and abuse power which I have witnessed too often and which hurts me to my core.

It is sad that within the Pagan/Wiccan community, some behave as though they are in a college sorority or fraternity. When ego becomes a part of the Craft, it hurts many in the community. I’m not talking about someone wanting to earn a living by teaching classes. Nor am I talking about the wisdom of turning away the ‘instant witch’ who just wants to learn a few spells to make their ex come back to them. I’m talking about an ‘Elder’ judging someone ‘worthy’ who desires to walk a spiritual path that they have been called to.

I do not agree that trust is born from humiliation and degradation. I do not agree that you prove you can be trusted with ‘secrets’ of the Craft by being treated like a college intern and cleaning the Elder’s house, scrubbing their toilets, being yelled at, learning to fetch and carry, etc. A student should be learning more about the Craft than how the teacher likes their coffee.  It is good for the student to learn as much as possible about the histories, traditions and rituals of the Craft; the elements, tools, and foods; Nature, energy, and the consequences of how they come together. As a student, your job is to learn…to reach the fullness of your own potential and happiness. For what you learn and practice is who you become. Who you become is what you bring to the world. What you bring to the world determines what will come back to you.

There are so many wonderful teachers out there. I am forever in awe of the fantastic people I have met who are so generous with what they know. They are beautiful individuals whose unique perspective has helped teach me new ways to look at things as I travel down my own road. But none of them can walk my road or determine my worth on that road. That is up to me. Don’t let anyone tell you that you are not worthy. If you want to learn, then study. If you want to be adept, then practice. If you don’t know, ask questions until you get an answer that resonates within you. What you will learn is equal to the effort you make to learn it. No studying, no knowledge; no practice, no skills…simple as that. If you want to know more, study more. You may not know enough to progress to the next step-for we all crawl before we walk-but let this be about the knowledge you accumulate, not whether someone else likes how you suck up to them or not. What you can or cannot learn is up to YOU.

Any teacher worth their salt knows that the goal for their student is for them to reach a place of confidence, independence, working knowledge and adequate skills. No teacher can give you the morals and ethics of your path, though some would try. As students, we are attracted to those teachers and Elders whose beliefs and practices feel most like our own. The Elders in my life have never failed to share a common bit of wisdom with me-This is MY life, MY path, MY journey. What I do with what I learn is up to me. They can show me the way, but what I do when I get there is MY choice. I have met others, who insist that if they give me the roadmap, then every part of the destination reflects on them. I can understand that to an extent. If I teach someone well, then I might be assured they will have a good journey and that reflects on my reputation as a teacher. But the Elders I have met have little regard for their advice growing their reputations, and are more concerned with their students having happy, fulfilling lives.

If you are fortunate, you will meet Elders along the way. And do not convince yourself that the Elders you meet who will teach you about your Craft will only be those who practice your Craft.  Seek those who are wise, generous, humble and funny. For Goddess sake let them be funny! This path can be overwhelming if you don’t have a sense of humor! They will lead from example…they’ve learned and know you can, too. They will let you know how to do the work and that the work may be hard.  Hard work is not bad and the Elders of the world want to share their experience with you so you can learn from it. Be humble, be respectful….LEARN what you can while they are with us.  A good teacher or Elder will want to bring out your strengths, not convince you that you have none. They will encourage you to learn more, do more, question more and go beyond your comfort zone so you can reach your potential. However, you cannot confidently walk your path throughout your entire life in the shadow of someone else’s ego. There are teachers and Elders out there who will help guide you with love and patience until you recognize that you are your own, best teacher.  Never forget that what you strive for is to master yourself; to be your own best guide; to be confident in your inner wisdom; to know your strengths and weakness and always work to be a better person.