Old Traditions / New Traditions

This is my end-of-the-year contribution to Kallan Kennedy's Sunday Stew. Please go check out the rest of the fabulous chefs over at The Secret Life of the American Witch!

“Tradition is a fragile thing in a culture built entirely on the memories of the elders.” Alice Albinia

When the year comes to a close, I find myself saying ‘Good riddance! Out with the Old; In with the New!’  Following almost every Yule /Winter Solstice, I feel giddy with the promise of the return to lighter and brighter days. The end of a year contains the anticipation of a blank slate and a fresh start. Each year we break out the new wall calendars with their pretty pictures to motivate us. Last year at home we had ‘Cats and Kittens’; this year we have ‘Dark Literary Classics’ and at work, I have ‘The Witches Calendar’. It’s a little tradition we follow to mark the passage of days by replacing one themed calendar each year for a new one. That thought led me to consider other traditions that we have. There are daily, weekly, monthly, and yearly traditions which often are repeated because they have been handed down through generations but not because we have consciously chosen them. My reflections of this past year have led to me decide that some will stay, some will go, and new traditions will be created.

With the loss of both my parents this past year, many holiday traditions have now taken on a different meaning. My parents celebrated Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving and always expected us at their home for family dinners.  The gatherings did not involve religious worship, but simply a time when we broke bread, told stories and laughed together.  Since my mom’s passing last year and dad’s passing earlier this year, the long-strained relationship with my siblings reached a head and we are now estranged. My husband’s parents are also deceased and he, too, is estranged from his siblings. We find ourselves on common ground with no other immediate family but ourselves. Now left without my parents to continue these holiday traditions…we felt lost, adrift and unsure of ourselves. Time marches on and like it or not, we needed to learn how to move forward.

“Go back?” he thought. “No good at all! Go sideways? Impossible! Go forward? Only thing to do! On we go!” – J.R.R. Tolkien

I suggested that we go away, as neither of us wanted to sit and mope the whole weekend. I know for certain, Mom and Dad would not have wanted that either. For Thanksgiving this year, we went away for a long weekend in Norfolk, VA. Why there? Why not there? The tradition of a big family meal has been changed. My husband and I realize that it’s just us, and we wanted to keep it a special day to feel thankful for what we have. We had our meals, we did some shopping, did some sightseeing, and we spent time talking and laughing together. We will now celebrate Thanksgiving somewhere new or different going forward. Away from home, we reminded each other that no matter where we go, we are thankful that we are together. Our family has created a new tradition.

My husband is an atheist and I am a Witch. We aren’t bound by dogma but we also don’t follow the same spiritual path. What to do? Somehow, the traditions that we are struggling with are ways to honor our family. Easter and Christmas were special to us because those days were special to our parents. We simply loved spending time with them. Those holidays may well change as Thanksgiving has, but we can’t say for certain. We’re still in mourning and we’re going to have to take some things as they come. As Christmas is fast approaching, we will be going out for a ‘family’ meal. Food certainly seems like the mainstay of many traditions. We will recall memories of our parents, tell stories, enjoy a good meal and create new memories. It is the easiest way we can think of to honor the past, enjoy the present, and look forward to the future.

 “Tradition is a guide and not a jailer.” – W. Somerset Maugham

There are many other ‘traditions’ that I need to reconsider and will in due course. When considering your traditions, ask yourself: Why do I do this? What benefit do I derive from this? Do I need to alter or discontinue this tradition?  There are things we do from our childhood because that is what we were taught. As we grow older, we try to find what fits us and what we come to believe in life. As life continues to change, we face our mortality and again reevaluate those traditions we have held fast to which have given us structure, enjoyment, and comfort. At this stage of my life, each day is more and more precious to me. Do I want to continue doing things because they are familiar to me or because I enjoy them? If I stop observing a tradition and find that I miss it, I can always revisit that. There are few things in this life more permanent than the passage of time. How do you wish to spend yours? What traditions have strong meaning for you?

The most important thing about any traditions you keep is that they are about creating memories with our loved ones. Memories are the blessing of keeping our loved ones with us long after they’ve gone.  Traditions can enhance memories, for good or ill. For one, the tradition of family gatherings may seem warm and inviting. For another, family gatherings are an invasion that leaves one feeling exposed and trapped. Not all traditions are the same, so pick which ones work best to create the types of memories everyone can remember fondly in the future. More than this you should consider the impact traditions have on your spirit. Traditions are guides as we move on our spiritual paths, but not rules. Old traditions must give way as I prepare for the spiritual cleansing that comes with the new beginnings of a New Year. 

“For last year’s words belong to last year’s language. And next year’s words await another voice.” – T.S. Eliot

Traditions have shaped my personal beliefs and so they affect my spiritual path and my relationship to God/Goddess/Spirit/Universe. I will consider thoughts, words and deeds of traditions that will shape my life. Each day is a new beginning with the traditions of those ancestors beyond this world. Going forward I reflect on what to leave, what to keep, what I need, what I must bring into being and what will feed my spirit in the New Year. Bright Blessings to you friends as we walk toward a new year and new beginnings. May whatever traditions you keep or create feed your spirit and home with Light and Love.