Letting go...packing up...

We wore ourselves out today....I know I did...
I left the house around 7am...car loaded with bags of books and such. I dropped off book donations, then heading to the store to get more totes and space-saver bags. I came home to my beloved hubby, cleaning, packing, sorting. Sean was determined to get most of the clothes he didn't need packed today. So, he emptied out one dresser and one small closet of his things. He puts pressure on me sometimes to make decisions on what stays or what goes because I truly have SO much STUFF to go through. I need the kick in the pants or I'll never get to it...

Despite my inner packrat screaming, 'But I NEED all that stuff!'...I sat down with a tote and trash bag at my makeshift vanity table. Emptying out crap (both used and unused) that I stuck in a drawer, on a shelf, or just overlooked because I was too lazy to make a decision what to do with it. One full tote and two empty trash bags later, my vanity area was devoid of all my girlish pretties, hair flowers and assorted cosmetics...including the makeup mirror where I'd sat each morning for the past 7 years. Time was flying by, wasn't it? At first I looked at the clock in utter disbelief! How was it possible that it was only 12:30pm and not so much later? It was then a wave of exhaustion crashed over us both...

We both fell asleep for just a couple of hours, but clearly that is what stress does to the body. A packrat, like me,  does not like to give up her stuff easily and I've been throwing away a LOT! It's therapeutic....reminding me that I like stuff, but I can easily accumulate too much and I need to work this year on becoming better organized. More important at this moment, I need to work on just letting stuff go. This includes the anxiety that my hubby and I are going through each day. The movers will be here in 10 days....and what we don't get rid of will be donated or come with us. We have time....we really do....but when you have made a practice of keeping damn near everything...getting rid of anything feels like an overwhelming chore. Hence, the sleep state we found ourselves in a few hours ago. Hubby is still sleeping actually....he can sleep anywhere (thanks to the Marine Corps).... I was woken up by the mailman ringing the doorbell....but I digress....

So much shit, so little time. Talking my inner packrat off the ledge every day is not an easy feat. I tend to think of what I went through trying to unload the contents of my parents house after they passed, and hearing an estate salesman tell me that it was 'too much'. Remembering that has been what keeps me in check as we toss many an unused, unloved or unnecessary item. I'm not moving to an isolated spot...I'm moving to a town across the country. I need to calm my own rising panic by reminding myself that every convenience I have here is there...and I researched ahead of time to make sure. I can find what I need...but, the source of the panic is still there and needs to be named.

I am moving out of my beloved New Jersey and will not return except (perhaps) for a visit in the future. My darling mom and dad are gone, and there is no returning from where they have gone. I have no contact with my sibs, niece or nephews. I have a few cousins who recently have made contact, but that is all there is of 'family connections'. My family consists of myself, my darling Sean, and two ridiculous cats. Next month I turn 50 and my world is about to change dramatically....
A new chapter is before me and I......CAN.....do this!!! One step at a time, one day at a time, even one frikkin' BOX at a time! LOL! I'm learning and growing so much through this challenge....and we haven't even hit the road yet! I'm making memories, y'all.....this so rocks!