Lessons Learned and the Final Countdown...

"Take two kids in competition for their parents' love and attention. Add to that the envy that one child feels for the accomplishments of the other; the resentment that each child feels for the privileges of the other; the personal frustrations that they don't dare let out on anyone else but a brother or sister, and it's not hard to understand why in families across the land, the sibling relationship contains enough emotional dynamite to set off rounds of daily explosions." -Adele Faber

There is no way I can accurately describe the pain, anxiety and true mental and emotional anguish that the death of my parents has caused me. I don't mean to whine and sound like a drama queen, but for the past year and a half, my life has been a wild, torturous, character building exercise that I never saw coming. 

October 19, 2012-My mother died of a stroke. 

March 19, 2013-My father died of a stroke.

March 20, 2013-Any remnants of a civil, sibling relationship with my younger brother and older half-sister officially died.

Being named the Executrix for my parents estate was not a surprise. We all knew about it for several years prior to my parents deaths. I was naive in how simple I thought it would be. I understood the legal responsibilities, understood the process of notifying the debtors, insurance companies and the like. What I actually understood, was the 'business' of being an Executrix. I approached my commitment from an non-emotional perspective; it was a promise I made to my Mom and Dad to take care of their belongings, in order to conclude the last act of caring for their children's welfare. I didn't necessarily care about the welfare of the two grown adults I was responsible for as beneficiaries, but my promise to my parents gave Mom and Dad comfort. That was my only goal and I have stuck to it. 

For the past year and a half, I have had many roles as Executrix. Among them are: legal authority, teacher, referee, villain, target, courier, emotional punching bag, and a few more. 

The lawyer whom I retained was the same who wrote my parent's will, and he and the paralegal assistant in his office have run interference for me with the sibs for the entire year and a half. My half-sister (older and long term whacko) has accused the paralegal of conspiring against her and recording their conversations. My brother (Johnny-come-lately to the whacko team) has been aggressive, demanding and makes regular inquiries as to when the estate will be settled and how much will the final tally bring. 

The behavior of the sibs had gotten so bad that even the paralegal had to throw them out of her office, and stated that any legal inquiries would have to go directly to the lawyer, by phone or email. Other inquiries would have to go to me, via email as I will no longer have conversations with them because of their behavior toward me. Even just last week, my brother sent a request to my lawyer, wanting an itemized list of what I removed from my parent's house and what each item cost. There was never an offer to assist me in cleaning out our parent's home, to run errands, to help with the cost of some of the things that needed to be done. The sibs live within 10 minutes each of my parent's house and I live almost 2 hours away. Yet the demands to give them what they feel they are entitled to had grown more incessant. I continued to take the moral high road, despite the effects on my mental, physical and emotional health. At last....the end is in sight.

On March 18 (ironically, the day before the one-year anniversary of Dad's passing), I will meet with the lawyer one last time to sign the final documents and checks for the final division of the estate. It will then be...over. 14 days left to continue the fulfill my promise to my Mom and Dad. 14 days left in which I must leave the lines of communication open with the sibs for legal purposes. After that....I can perform the ritual that will sever the ties for good. I can finally free myself of the pain and karmic fates that they have been twisted in and move forward towards a brighter horizon. Just 14 days...

I will close the email account I had used. I will be changing both my hubby's and my cell phone numbers. I will close the Post Office box that was used for the estate business. I will do many things, some of which I am already in the process of doing. I have had to learn many lessons in preparing to move on from this situation. And as I move forward, I can finally grieve the loss my Mom and Dad, without the responsibility for their other adult children. I can consider what is best for me and my hubby and our happiness. That much, I do know, my parents would want us do. In 14 days....I can breathe a bit easier again. So, as we approach the time of my freedom, I hope you'll sing-a-long with me...