"Be a Voice, Not an Echo."

Good Afternoon, friends! I've got my coffee next to me, cause I'm gonna need some caffeinated bolstering for this blog. Since I last wrote a couple of weeks ago, there have been a few changes in my internet life. The explanation is going to be brief, but I have been struggling over whether to address it at all. However, I made a commitment to make this blog about all of ME....my feelings, experiences, thoughts, etc...and I have always tried to be as forthright as possible when I express myself. So, here we go:

The response from the 'Bad Pagan' article was overwhelming and amazing! Never in my wildest dreams did I expect when I decided to write about my life, my experiences and how I don't feel like I fit in throughout many places in the Pagan Community, I would see so many kindred spirits respond in kind. Once again, thank you for your generosity in sharing your thoughts, feelings, and blessings!

While the majority of responses were positive, there was a portion that was...not. There were several people who believed I was negatively speaking about someone in particular. I had a life long before I came to the internet, but still I was accused of 'calling someone out' and criticizing them through my blog. One week later, I was informed that I was removed from two groups I contributed articles for and unfriended by at least 3 people. I was hurt and have been reflecting on it a lot since then. I won't speak further on it after this, nor of the people involved. It serves no higher purpose, so just consider this the Long Story Short....

That situation is what I would call 'Being Hit with the Spiritual 2x4'. There are some lessons that when they come, are unexpected and occasionally painful. As we meander through this world-mentally, physically, emotionally or spiritually-we think we are making progress, but 'expect the unexpected'. Enter the Cosmic Shakeup to remove the obstacles that prevent us from moving forward and keep us humble as a bonus.  In a Tarot reading, this would be the Tower. Change usually comes gradually as we move at our own pace in the world. But sometimes Change comes with a quick and rapid jolt like tectonic plates shifting during an earthquake or the burst of a sudden explosion. Ever reminding us that while we think we are running our show, we are never truly in charge of all and the only constant we find in life, is Change...

A traumatic change or disruption is coming. Abrupt loss, conflict and separations. False structures or ideas exposed to the light; Spiritual awakening. New insights and new beginnings. Growth and progress; enlightenment and freedom.

The day I was told that my torch was put out and I was banished from the island...just two minutes later I received another bit of shocking news. Another friend across the country told me that she had just buried her son only a few days before after a long illness. I was shaken to the core by this news. Where before I felt unnerved and unsure, I suddenly felt something 'click' into place and I was secure in myself once again. My loss, my anger and my sadness vaporized and all I knew was compassion for my friend. I could not measure what happened to me compared to the death of her beloved son. The loss I thought I felt was replaced by gratitude for all the blessings in my life. My sight was clear for the first time in awhile and I understood the lesson before me. I had allowed someone else to dictate the terms of my acceptance in the world and to serve their greater purpose at the cost of my own self-confidence. Well, FUCK THAT!!!

What? Did you think you suddenly came up across a 'kinder, gentler', Lina? Ha! No such luck, kids! I was fortunate the Goddess bestowed upon me the clarity to understand what had happened. I was ignoring my own instincts, in order to 'belong'. Yes....that's right. I compromised myself in order to remain with the 'cool kids'. Kinda sucked when I realized what a jackass I had been, but, it was still a very good lesson. I had just been starting to grow and write more and more from my own heart. I have always put myself out there and just expressed my thoughts and feelings as they are. I don't believe in pretense or genuflection. I treat everyone the same regardless of rank, title, experience, age, etc. You treat me with courtesy and tolerance despite our differences and I will do the same. But somewhere along the way, I started to get lost...and hadn't I just revisited what had happened to me before when I had acted that way? Yup....hence, the mighty smack to the head with the Spiritual 2x4. Why do I often have to learn these lessons the hard way?

Okay, so back on track and feeling much better, thank you. Am I happy that I have lost friends? No. I am blessed with some amazing friends and a loving husband. None of us are perfect, but we don't have to be. The one thing we have in common is that we respect the right of the other to have their own voice. We do not have to agree with each other. But it is MY voice, when expressing my own thoughts and feelings, that distinguishes me from others. It is a sense of freedom that is more important to me than belonging at the cost of my own spirit. I was not put on this earth, in this space, in this time to be like others. Goddess quickly sent the reminder to me that it is my unique presence that creates another note in the music of the world. Even in a field of flowers, no two are alike...and it is those differences which make them beautiful together and independent of the other.

It's okay if you don't like what I like. It's okay if you disagree with me. It's okay if you say it out loud and directly to me. Because as long as you treat YOURSELF with no less dignity, tolerance and love than you would expect from me, we will get along just fine. Be YOURSELF....that's all I wish for you. Goddess has blessed me with this loud, opinionated, occasionally pushy, passionate and energetic way of being. I am also intelligent, compassionate, funny, independent, and confident that I know a whole lot of stuff and also nothing at all. The God or Goddess, Universe, Creator, or whatever you want to call it created YOU in a unique way that is pretty frikkin awesome! I say, CELEBRATE what makes you...YOU! Be the original you are meant to be and if you sit on the bleachers in the cheap seats....I'll be there to keep you company. Life lived outside the fence is still a life lived. You are a thing of beauty....believe it! Not everyone is gonna like me for being me, but *I* like ME, warts and all.

But that's just me.....How about you?