Solitary Rant-Bitch Witch, Begone!!!

I walk a solitary path, but initially I tried many times to belong to a coven / circle. One of the first experiences I had with group practice was when I ran into an old high school friend in a metaphysical store. She told me she was Wiccan and invited me to an open circle her coven was having the following week. I was nervous but excited at what I might learn there. At the door, I was bid to enter by a man in an all leather outfit consisting of a hooded mask, chest harness, pants, and boots. From behind his zippered mouth he said, "How do you enter here?" What? Having never been to any kind of Pagan ritual before (and being more than a little taken aback by the broadsword he held in front of me to block my way) I had no idea how to respond! From behind me, someone whispered, "In perfect love and perfect trust..." Really??? THAT was the password? 

I stumbled with the crowd into a large hall for my first group ritual experience. It's still a kind of blur to this day. It was very dark...there were lots of people in robes...more scary sword waving....smoke...and the feeling that this was NOT what I had been looking for. What was spiritual about this DRAMA unfolding around me like a Shakespearean play? Afterward, we enjoyed cookies and juice (no kidding). There were many who smelled my newbie scent and rushed me as they tried to get me to join up with them. I was looking for a spiritual experience and instead I felt like I was part of a Wiccan Amway pitch. I mumbled something polite moments before I made a hasty retreat and drove home. It's amazing that was not my last group experience. 

There have been many groups I've been with since then. Right after the scary sword guy, I met Etain, the woman who would be my first true teacher at The Living Wicca Foundation. A loving and giving heart, she always emphasized that no matter where we go, we shouldn't check our brains at the door. We would meet many people on our paths, but though they claim wisdom, not all (hardly any) are wise. Even those we feel are the wisest cannot tell you how to walk your own path. I've lost touch with her and I miss her to this day. I can't thank her enough for how she helped me. The LWF itself lost it's way when Etain left. I tried to be part of many different groups, but each left a bad taste and I finally decided that I would like to find friends, but I needed to simply practice as a solitary witch. 

Fast forward to the present. The internet has been a blessing and a curse in finding a cyber community of Pagan/ Wiccan /Witchy friends. The internet allows many people (who claim to be 'light bringers') to parade anonymously as bad as they wanna be with no consequences. Most recently I left a Facebook group, because people who insist on criticizing and verbally beating people down. They tell folks they are wrong for thinking as they do, for practicing their own rituals, and feeling differently. Under the guise of 'wise woman', they instead become a Bitch Witch and HURT people who speak their own truth, walk their own path, and practice their own spiritual beliefs. Those who earnestly seek help in supplication or mocked for their lack of understanding before any help is given or offered. And they justify it by saying, 'I'm just being honest'....'It's how I am...' or 'If you don't like what I say that's YOUR problem...' Now, I'm a Queen of snark and sarcasm but bad behavior is just BAD behavior! There is no excuse for this at all...

What bothers me most is that many preach TOLERANCE where they have none. They want acceptance from religious organizations, but smack the seekers who ask questions in their own communities. I know several people who still practice in their own covens / circles and the group is a loving family. I know others who are always told they are wrong, Wrong, WRONG for asking questions about different paths and their traditions. They are concerned with inner and outer circles, rank, titles and authority. People are berated online for going to the 'wrong' teacher or trying to practice in accordance with a tradition that is not 'theirs'. Why do we walk this path if we use someone else's rules? To gain power or a better understanding of our connection to the world? Are these groups loving COMMUNITIES or CLIQUES? Are we seeking spiritual growth and connection to the world or are we steps away from being part of just another religious cult determined to squash the spirit that the Goddess gave us? Are you truly Spiritual or Religious?

I've decided to close the solitary circle around me a bit more. The internet (and real life) is too full of people who want to put you down to lift themselves up. There is a difference between being strong and assertive and being a true, blue BITCH. I will admit that I do both...but there is no room for that when it comes to my spirituality. I don't want that negativity in my life. It's it amazing that there are people who consistently complain about shit going wrong and people treating them bad in their lives.....and they can't see that the common denominator is THEM? Some self reflection does everyone a world of good. I don't need the critics...the drama queens...or those who let people get away with acting shitty just because they find it amusing. 

The Secret is....there is no Secret. The power you seek to master...is mastery over yourself. The Energy you raise...the Magick spell you cast....did not come from you, it works and flows through you. You can decide that you need to be the one who is Right, Wise, Powerful, Respected, Feared, the Center of Attention....or you can be Happy. I'm not a perfect person, and I probably hurt many people while I walked this path...and it's possible I may hurt more, unintentionally. However, I do not have to invite you in to let you hurt me. My spirituality is about me being the best ME...not about YOU telling me I'm doing it wrong. 

I'll make mistakes...I'll get hurt...then Goddess grant me some wisdom to pick up and move forward down my road. Keep your insane desire to be right...to have the last word...to have the cleverest quip...the snappiest comeback. Spirituality is supposed to raise us up...inspire us...increase our connection to the world. It is connection to the Divine...the Goddess...the Source...the Creator of all things. You desire a hierarchy...rank...rules and order so you have control over others. You have no self knowledge or humility....You are RELIGIOUS not SPIRITUAL!! 

I have myself...my relationship with Goddess...and will continue to seek a deeper connection with the world around me.  I'm staying on a solitary path. I love sharing information and friendship, but the dynamics of power in group practice hurts my soul. My path is personal, solitary and it will stay that way. I have freedom to choose what helps me move forward, what brings me joy, what helps me grow. My life and my path are about being a better happier person. I will remove myself from those who I can see have a need to 'criticize', but call it 'teaching'...who stir that cauldron and then never come to help when it bubbles over. 

Bitch Witch begone! You seek attention and chaos, not wisdom, friendship or peace. You thrive on insecurity of others, on inflicting pain on the innocent, and making yourself appear to be a victim of misunderstandings you created. The door is that way. See yourself out of my life...