My Childfree Pagan Path
Greek Goddess Artemis[/caption]What follows is a short submission I wrote back in March 2014 for a Pagan blog about my feelings of being a Childfree Pagan. It continues to be difficult at times in a child/mother centric world to be Childfree and not feel ostracized. Even when practicing Paganism / Wicca / Witchcraft / Druidism, etc....you'd be surprised at just how UN-accepting people can be at times. I wanted to share this here at My Crazy Childfree Mid-Life, because this is part of who I am as well. Not just Childfree by Choice, but also a woman who walks a spiritual path which has been difficult at times due to my choice to be and remain Childfree.
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I chose to be Childfree long before I came to walk a Pagan path. I never wanted to have children. I am not a child-hater (despite what many have said about me), I just prefer the company of adults rather than kids. I have been aunt to three rather dysfunctional adults (one is actually okay…just a bit of an enabler). The biggest surprise for many who learned I am Childfree was that I worked with kids for 30 years of my life in Social Services and Child Protection. Yes, I protected kids and still didn’t want any of my own….go figure…
When I was younger I was pressured by my Christian friends and family as a “woman”, “a good Christian”, and “a responsible adult” to have a child of my own. I was told it was my ‘duty’ to have a child and raise it according to God’s laws. I asked about adoptive children and was told that was ‘not an option’ for me at that time. After all, I was young and even if there were ‘problems’ there were fertility centers that could help women fulfill their ultimate spiritual role. I finally said that I didn’t know if I wanted to have children at all and I was told that it was my holy obligation, as a woman and as a Christian, to have my own children as long as I was physically capable of giving birth. Seriously…
Soon after, I found my way to Wicca and Paganism. Being CF came up almost immediately as I found myself confronted by the worship of the Great Mother. I was a young woman and there were plenty who didn’t accept or understand my choice. It was common to hear, ‘Oh, you still have plenty of time’ or ‘you’ll feel differently when they are your own’. No one I spoke to could help me reconcile being a CF woman on a path that venerated mothers as part of the sacred cycle of life…a role I would never play. There were groups that celebrated the joys of birth and motherhood from menstrual rituals on forward. I felt like there were too many people who insisted my identity and purpose in life was directly tied to what came out of my uterus. I felt like a spiritual failure and a defective Pagan woman.
At one Pagan festival, I was feeling particularly gloomy. A woman came to me and asked what was wrong and I just blurted out my frustrations. She listened and had a gentle smile. “There is more to being a mother than giving birth to babies. You can raise animals or plants…you can teach…you can nurture pets, friends, family, or strangers…you can give birth to your creative spark through cooking, gardening, painting, writing or music. Goddess does not need you to have babies…you nurture what makes you happy and the world will be better for it. That’s all Goddess wants for you. ”
That changed much of how I walked my path. I began to see creation in all its forms as celebrations of the sacred. I felt more a part of the spiritual path I was guided to than ever before. Art, love, music, food, joy were all acts of creation that I could engage in and connected me with the Divine. I finally came to hear more from men who felt the same as I did and how their CF choice impacted their experiences on the Pagan path as well. I was not alone…I never was.
The path I walk now as a CF Witch is still rough at times. Walking through the mundane world which is certainly ‘child-centric’ can be difficult for any CF person on any path. There are still many of us who are struggling with acceptance for who we are - regardless of spiritual path - because we are CF by choice. Not wanting to have children is not the same as not wanting a good life. We don’t have to hide who we are and what we chose as much as we used to in fear of being ostracized. However, it’s still a difficult balancing act for many. I still deal with it myself. But for any who need to reach out, I offer my hand in friendship and support…one CF individual to another…one spiritual being to another. Let us find what sparks your joy and nurture it together…
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