Starting Here....Starting Now...Starting Again

Here we are, Monday morning, and once again I am bolstering my shields for a trip into the office. Sad that I feel I have to do that, but recent experience tells me I must. There are very few trusted individuals there with whom I feel like I can truly be myself. I am not alone when it comes to feeling this way. at my work place. I am not safe entirely being myself.

Funny enough, it is not being a Witch that I must hide. I have been 'out of the broom closet' for many years. They accepted that easily enough, mostly out of curiosity and a desire to vicariously dabble on the Pagan side of life without the consequences of someone telling them they were going to Hell for it. What I have found I do have to hide, is my desire to improve myself and reach my goals.

I am surrounded by people who accept the definitions and limitations others define for them. To me that is outrageous and abhorrent to my spirit, but for them, it is their mark of approval. I don't want someone telling me who I am, what I want, what I can learn or how far I can go. I find that every day I struggle against the pressure to assimilate and become a sort of professional Stepford-wife. Frightening as hell for me to watch how many women still do this. They don't want more for themselves. They don't want anything else. But from the anger, the clawing desperation of their words and actions, the pungent odor of bitterness that wafts from their spirits....I *know* it's not all they want. They want more from their lives....much more.

Here's the rub-they don't believe they can achieve anything and I DO.  I have a dream, a plan, and I'm working it. As I go along, I adjust my sails accordingly but still keep my eyes fixed on that horizon line. I am happier in my steady pursuit of my goals than they ever will be. The resentment is as clear to me as the reasons because I don't subscribe to their way of thinking.. I grew up with this type of attitude-and while I no longer speak to the toxic siblings-it appears that I am not free yet of that toxic behavior. The folks I deal with now have retreated in time...like cave men throwing rocks at the moon in fear and wonder. I am fascinated and in awe of that glorious orb and bathe in it's light. I must....for the fear and negativity of my neighbors could easily contaminate my spirit. That will not happen...

It's very easy to put your spirit, your dreams, and your goals into a box for the sake of the approval of others. You are here...in this time and this place for YOUR dreams. YOU define who you are, what you want and where you want to be. Just because someone else has a dream of how they want their life to be and a plan of their own, does NOT mean that you HAVE to take the part in that play. One person I am with 'jokingly' told me that he didn't see the point in investing in my training, because I was just going to leave anyway. That comment was no less inappropriate than when my Aunt Rose told me I didn't 'need to go to college because I was just going to get married, have a baby and waste all that money for nothing.' If I accepted the limits that others put on me, because of their fears, plans or failures, I would never move. I would remain in a stagnant pond with happiness buried in the muck beneath the surface.

So, as I head into the office and get ready to listen to the naysayers, the negative Nelly's, the Wet Blankets, the toxic, the bullies, the insecure, etc....I will remember one thing: This is MY life. I write this story. I determine where it goes. I may falter occasionally but I learn and keep moving. No one gets to tell me what the limitations of my life are. No matter how long it takes. I can stop....then start again whenever I feel ready to. I determine how fast or slow I progress. If something isn't working, I change it but never, Never, NEVER give up on what I want to do. Those who fear my success and happiness in my life are just afraid of the mirror it holds up to their own small, tiny little lives. I'm not going for fame or fortune....just happiness. I'm already there....and I won't let anyone else define what that looks like for me.

Don't let others define you by the measuring stick of their fears. Don't let others tell you where you can go, what you can learn, how to think, what to believe or who you are. They do not reign over you mind and spirit unless you surrender to them. If we believe others take advantage of us, it is because we GIVE them that advantage. If others push us around it's because we never plant our feet and look at where we might want to go. If we don't know what we want, it's because we don't take the time to stop and think about it instead of just answering the demands of those around us.

I am here to help....I will be your cheer leader...I will encourage your dream and help you take the small, steady steps to get there. Believe in yourself....I believe in myself and I believe in YOU. Happiness is not a finite resource in the Universe. It is never too late to start reaching your goal...it is never too late to figure out what makes you happy. It takes EFFORT and belief that you are meant to be as happy as everyone else in the world.  Start with yourself...follow YOUR bliss... Seek, Question, Explore....Start right here....Start right now....Start again and again and again till you are where you want to be. There are no time limits on finding your joy...