Who will look after you when you get old?

I ran across a forum on Reddit (still don't get that thing) and the topic on whether those over 55 regretted not having children to look after them as they aged. Certainly this is not the first time I'd heard that issue brought up. In my own family, the pressure to breed or adopt was intense,  and it was always accompanied by a frantic query about how I would cope without kids in my old age. I've always thought it to be one of the most awful things to have children out of some need to make sure that someone has to be there to take care of you when you get old.

Funny, I never thought that anyone asking me about this was truly inquiring about me and how I was going to be cared for in my golden years. I always felt they were asking for validation that someone would be looking after them when they got older. I never worried about it and had always joked that 'I planned to be a burden on the taxpayers in a nursing home' when I got older. Now that I'm 49, I am considering what my options really will be. I'm still not worried-I'm planning. Being as pragmatic and independent as we are, my husband and I have been making plans for how we want to spend our latter years. I am fortunate that we don't get squeamish about discussing things like nursing care, illness or anything else. They aren't happy conversations, but they are necessary. It is part of the commitment we made to each other when we got married-so, we discuss how we will care for ourselves AND each other in the future. 

There are other people I know, who can't even begin to address this issue.....and they DO have children. They can barely mention any long term plans for their kids let alone themselves. They plan to be in the houses they currently can't afford the mortgage on, with the cars they are still making payments on, with no thought of how they will care for themselves. They don't consider the upkeep on the property, their own health needs, possibly not being able to drive anymore, etc. That is REAL life....REAL considerations that seniors face every day. These folks believe their children will save them....care for them...look after them and sacrifice their lives for their parents, the way their parents did (sort of ) for them. These people make me very, VERY sad...

Childfree folks know as well as anyone, that having children doesn't mean that they will be the ones caring for you when you get older. Times have changed and the aging Baby Boomers have been coming up against a rude awakening. Many of them didn't plan for their own care...and their children are woefully unprepared and ill-suited to the task of caregiver as they can't even take care of themselves. I've even read in forums that Adult children refuse to sacrifice for their parents care, even as they live in their homes and expect to inherit from them upon their death. Wow....kids are great, aren't they?

As a Childfree woman, I never expected 'family' to care for me. According to the American Psychological Association- 64% of Americans die in hospitals and 17% die in long-term care facilities or other institutions. Where being cared for at home used to be the rule, it has now come to be the exception. So why is it that as a Childfree by choice woman, part of a Childfree by choice married couple , I still hear the same tired song- 'Who will look after you when you get old?' Isn't the real question, 'Aren't you afraid of dying alone?'

Honey, we all die alone. Whether you are in a room full of friendly relatives or friendly staff, we still take that last gasp on our own. I won't go into where we go from here (if we go anywhere), but the belief that children are necessary to keep us from feeling lonely before the end is a shitty one. Perhaps more people should consider how they live their lives now and maybe they wouldn't be so afraid of dying later. I don't need a child to validate my existence in this world, nor to escort me from it. I am a good person, I work hard, I'm intelligent and friendly. I will make plans, as I always have, for MY OWN care. To expect that from someone who may or may not be emotionally able to handle it is truly the 'selfish' perspective. I will look into responsible and reputable care facilities. If I'm not finding what I want then I will either go elsewhere or make changes to where I am. I'm not dead yet, people.....there are many things that can be improved in the care of our elders. Maybe you would find that some people wouldn't rely so much on their children, and some children wouldn't resentfully run away, if people could take care of the arrangements themselves.

 

Are you squirming yet? Does this subject make you uncomfortable? This isn't exactly the fun kind of rant that many 'anti-breeders' go on when you look in many a Childfree forum. I'm a middle aged woman looking at real issues here. I am responsible for myself. My husband is responsible for himself. Together, we have committed to and become allies in planning for our care as we grow older. Not everyone has a partner...and for that matter, we don't know if we actually will be around for each other at the finish line. But at least as a Childfree couple, we have committed to making the plans for that part of our lives for ourselves. We didn't give birth to, or worse yet-intentionally adopt a child, with the premeditated plan that they would be our caregivers when we get old. That is NOT unconditional love....it's legal servitude that a child has not been given a choice in. By the time they get old enough to decide, many parents haven't even thought of having a Plan B....

How about YOU? Who will look after you when you get old?