Monday Moxie: Spiritual Detachment (aka-Let That Shit Go...)

For much of my existence, my life has felt like a circus, highlighted by select periods which resembled a Lifetime 'Movie of the Week'. When I reached adulthood, I reacted rather than responded to the world around me. That ensured my friends, family and co-workers not only endless entertainment but endless High Drama as well. After a particularly bad relationship ended, a co-worker once described my behavior like 'a skinned monkey in a cactus farm...' Well, damn...! Thanks Chris, wherever you are...I've never forgotten that and it changed me for good.  I became a Hermit for a time as I began to explore why my mind and spirit felt like a traveling litter box for the world.

I tended to remember every slight to my soul. Anything said, intentional or not, that hurt me and I would hold onto it like dragon hoards gold. Every rejection felt like the ultimate rejection. I truly felt raw inside and out...there was no salve to soothe my spirit. I desperately tried to control my environment to lessen the injuries but still they found their way in. Aggravated, unappreciated, used and abused...I was the reliable doormat...the responsible patsy...the dedicated dupe. I blamed the world for my troubles until I came to realize my trouble was only with myself. I've met lots of 'angry' men and women....and I was ashamed when I realized that I was one, too. It was not how I wanted to live my life or what kind of person I wanted to be. One day, my spirit guides nudged me with the question, 'What would happen if you just let it go and moved forward?' Fear grasped my heart, but for the first time, I saw it for what it was. I was ready to let go...

The drama that surrounds you are the chains you choose to wear; detachment holds the key to your freedom.

Like the chains depicted in the tarot card 'The Devil', there really is no one holding the chains we wear. Now, I've heard (and made) the argument in the past-'I can't just let it go! This is my job and I can't afford to quit' OR 'This is my family, I can't leave them' OR 'I've invested too much time into this relationship (career, project, etc). I can't just let it go!! Of course you can. I'm not talking abandoning all your commitments and responsibilities, I'm speaking of Spiritual Detachment. This is where you focus on YOUR thoughts, feelings and actions. This is where you allow others the freedom to make their decisions and deal with their consequences without interference, for the sake of their own personal growth and yours! This is where you stop imposing your will on every task, situation, dilemma or personal problem you contact and restrict your thoughts, ideas, advice for yourself. If it is not your problem, it is NOT your responsibility to save everyone involved.

Does this mean you don't give advice when asked for it? No...of course you can, but it means you detach from the individual's decision to follow it or not. Giving advice does not mean they MUST take your advice. If that is what it ultimately means to you, then you need to let go of the NEED to advise others. This is a hard one for me...who is blessed with the curse of seeing the human train wreck before me. I must fight a strong desire to SAVE or FIX everyone. That's about MY ego...and I must frequently check myself when faced with those people and situations. Do I usually know better than others? Yup....sure do. But it's not my life....and I don't like being handled, so I have to work hard on not doing the same thing to others. Either they will learn from their lives, or not....my path to follow is still my own. I have no rights to the lives of others. If I don't focus on my own growth, I will never move forward and will be at the mercy of other people's bad calls for my entire life.

Just because I see the problem, does not mean I am responsible for fixing it. Just because I have an opinion, doesn't mean I need to voice it. Just because I've watched someone make the same bad decisions over and over again does not mean that I am the ONLY one to stop them from making it again. You are responsible for YOU. Get over your fear of not being needed. Get over the desire to show people that you were right.....again. Get past the fear of loss, death, separation, anger, being alone, etc. There will always be people who push your buttons. There will always be people who just can't seem to get out of their own way and get it together. The one thing about detachment that I've learned is this: to find any peace, you need to stop making other people's decisions all about how it will affect YOU. Their call, their consequences, their lives....NOT yours. Stop making THEM all about YOU and focus on YOURSELF for a change. 

It is not easy, but nothing worthwhile ever seems to be. I love my family and my friends...I don't want them to be hurt. But so much of the pain I felt in my life was caused by taking responsibility for other's feelings and behaviors. When I let myself take that inner step back, I can breathe....and just let that shit go that is threatening to once again drag me down into the void. People will be hurt, they will feel pain and they will die. Look around the world and see that this is how it is. We revere Nature yet we frequently impose our own will where it has no place. Where there is an ending, there is also a beginning. To learn spiritual detachment, start by actually observing the Natural world. My cats are gifts from the Goddess in teaching me detachment. They are 'part of' but not attached; reliant but not needy; affectionate but not clinging; observant but not overly involved. They are not perfect at this either when they do things in a time that is not convenient for me. However, that can be said of all things in life...and we need to learn how to go with the flow...or be dragged down with it.