Bad Pagan-No Pagan Utopia for me

Once again, I have found myself discussing subjects with both Pagans and non-Pagans that make me a very unpopular Witch. The problems arise as we, Pagans, come from a variety of backgrounds, lifestyles, cultures, philosophies and spiritual paths. We tend to look for the unifying thread among us; the beliefs that will allow us to come together and be stronger in numbers (to ensure our survival). As people who believe in Nature, Magick, Life and Death...it was difficult to find a common thread for the Utopia many believe this world could/should be. The world is far too diverse to reach the standard of Utopian equality and idealism in all things. We strive toward that but even the Pagan community cannot agree on most things day-to-day. We walk individual paths and then try to come together and end up with massive gridlock. This is what once again sits me in the corner with my pointy Witch hat with 'Bad Pagan' written on it. I don't believe in a Utopia, nor do I feel we can attain it as a whole.  I'll try to explain but you may be leaving in a minute or two anyway when I piss you off...have a good day anyway...

Utopia is actually defined this way by Merriam-Webster:
1: an imaginary and indefinitely remote place
2: a place of ideal perfection-especially in laws, government and social conditions
3: an impractical scheme for social improvement

I don't like violence, but the world IS a violent place and I accept that. Nature is violent-from the moment of our birth to our deaths, we often come in or leave the world in sudden and violent ways. We Pagans love to talk about connecting with Nature and yet many cannot fathom the struggle of Life, itself. Even the tiniest seed often must force it's way to the top to find light to grow and will choke out other plants in order to survive. Weak animals are preyed upon so other animals might live. In the discussions I've had, there are those who don't eat meat, who quickly jumped on those who do and declared that a Pagan Utopia would exist with no animals being eaten. Those carnivorous Pagans responded that Nature doesn't reflect that philosophy as many animals eat other animals. On and on...multiple topics, multiple opinions and one desire; an ideal world-Utopia. What seems to make a difference to some Pagans as to whether or not is acceptable violence is whether people are affected. If someone gets a picture from far away, then it's beautiful. If a coastal town is destroyed, then it's a tragedy, but it is just the violent side of Nature which creates Life from Death.

The sun, wind and water all churn together to create storms of amazing power which can create destruction where we live. The earth itself-a ball of incredible living energy-will suddenly shift, split, or explode violently. Volcanoes spew ash or lava which can destroy towns in minutes. Wildfires spark from storms and raze towns to ashes for days and days. We have no control over Nature. How many of the Gods and Goddesses that we worship have violence in their own creation stories? We want to connect, harness, and utilize the power of Nature but think this can be done in gentle ways, with no disturbance, according to our design and wishes. It is not a violent restraint and redirection of energy....we Pagans say we are 'raising a cone of power', 'creating a shield of light', or 'grounding' ourselves...but from violent beginnings...

What about the violence in our human emotions? The Utopian ideal encourages consensus from the community but with that many opinions and ways of being there is rarely that kind of agreement. We are so utterly flawed-which makes us totally amazing and totally stupid, all in one package. What we connect with, we will defend violently and that which we don't we can shun with fascinating ease. I've had people threaten me for not believing in things they do. I've been cussed out by those who regularly spout 'Love and Light'. I have been chastised by strangers for my own beliefs and practices. Yet when the violence in the world is too great, we take a break....walk away...'go offline' for a bit. This is simply what we do to survive. It is all part of the Human Condition. We are such a fucking mess...beautiful and disturbing...ever evolving and often out of control...but still beautiful.

I support soldiers, police, firefighters and other warriors that put themselves in harms way to protect or save others. I think wars and revolutions are inevitable. I believe that people in power are corrupt because they were that way before they were in charge. Some people are born leaders. Some are born followers. Some are created to be teachers. Some are created to be shady, fucking sell-outs who wouldn't hesitate to step on your neck to get ahead. Some of us love to be the person they step on, so they can be martyrs later. I believe we all want to be special but most of us are not even close. I believe many of us do things just to be noticed, for just a moment, by another human being in order to ease our feeling of utter inadequacy.

I think many people ARE lazy and milking the system. What?? Holy shit...yes, contrary to what my husband thinks, I am NOT a Liberal and I don't believe in this day and age in my part of the world that it takes a village. I believe it takes determination and discipline. I believe you work for what you have and I'll work for what I have. Sometimes we can help each other out...but if you need help all the time then I make a decision between you and me and guess who is gonna win?  I have met or spoken to only a handful of people in my lifetime who have said they have enough and are happy with what they have.
I believe that elderly people deserve more fucking respect than they ever get. I believe children need to be treated less like cult icons and told to sit down, shut up and LISTEN so they can learn a thing or two. I believe that most people are good at heart, but enough deceitful fuckers are in the world that are willing and waiting to take advantage of others at any opportunity. I believe we are a product of our environment and some of us learn how to adapt better than others.

My spiritual beliefs are at odds with what is supposed to be the Pagan Utopian ideal of Love and Light. Isn't that what we are taught to believe as Pagans? Live in a peaceful world, grow your own food, tend to Mother Earth, be kind to others and.....? My life has never been that way so how can I accept a Pagan Utopia when I have seen the violence and turmoil within the Pagan community? How do such a variety of people from around the world create a Utopian society when we do not all believe in the same things? The world is full of violence. Violent weather...violent planet...violent emotions. If you try to harm me, try to control me, I will kick your ass and that is NOT what good Pagans do. The Utopia of the Pagan community doesn't exist because Utopia not a communal project. It is a state of mind...a way of living for each individual. We come together in common areas and we must go our separate ways in others. That is LIFE....sometimes gentle and other times, POW! Right in the kisser!

I believe that Fear is a disease that cripples and kills more physical, mental and spiritual lives than any disease known to man.  I believe that more than any meditation, candle, or spell...if people would let themselves cry, feel and express anger, and laugh more often...we'd all be healthier and happier.
I don't believe throwing money at a cause is the same as working on a cure. I don't believe putting a magnet on your car is the same as supporting a cause. I'm comfortable in my own skin and I believe I have a right not to listen to you...and you have a right not to listen to me. I believe that if you raise your hand to me I will do my best to fuck you up. I don't believe violence is the answer to every problem. I believe we are so afraid of what we can't see, that we are paralyzed to act on what we do. I believe we all need to lighten the fuck up and laugh at ourselves. Pain is the ultimate teacher-Strength, Love, Loss, Survival...it's all there in black, white and red all over.

My joy, my ideal, my happy place exists where I accept the world right where I am. The ups and downs of Life are not inconveniences-they are my teachers. I've learned more about Life from a hurricane than I have from any Pagan gathering. Just as I don't believe in the concepts of Heaven and Hell, a Pagan Utopia does not resonate with me. I create my own Utopia in the here and now. Peace and prosperity do not look the same to any two people be they Pagans or non-Pagans. My acceptance and response to my world is what makes it wonderful, awful or a bit of both. I embrace those who accept the complexities of the world without simply condemning them. I will hold the hands of those grappling with disease, grief and other afflictions and lend my energy toward healing of their Spirit, if not also for their body. Life is a temporary condition and it is tough sometimes. But there is no single ideal Pagan Utopia that serves us all. At the end of the day, who cares what I say? This is YOUR journey to take. Make the best of what you have, where you are, with whom you care about. Which way are you going? Where is your 'Utopia'?